Don't ask me to explain this

I mentioned in a previous post that I've discovered the joys of Facebook. It's allowed me to reconnect with a lot of folks I haven't talked to in a while (most of them are people I haven't talked to for several years, so it's pretty cool in that regard). It also prompted me, through a series of events far to bizarre and tedious to explain, to spend an hour this afternoon writing this list:

Top Ten Signs your Parish Priest Might be a Borg Drone

10. Uses the word "viniculum" in casual conversation
9. Claims his family name, Unimatrix, is French
8. Lectors won't exchange the Sign of Peace with him; they don't believe Charlie's assimilation was a "coincidence"
7. The parish's new voicemail system tells callers, "You may enter your party's extension at any time, or simply stay on the line and wait for nanoprobes to rewrite your DNA"
6. Every week it's the same announcement: "Scrip will replace standard currency for all household purchases; resistance is futile"
5. In the bulletin, lists the Friday night fundraiser as "Borgo"
4. Insists his head is removable
3. Frequently asks the choir to sing "A Mighty Fortress is Our Cube"
2. After the Benediction, likes to finish up with an anecdote about a culture he's assmilated
1. In his homilies, frequently quotes an obscure Church historian named Locutus

I'm not suggesting a Borg drone could or should be a parish priest. Theologically speaking, there would be a number of pretty serious impediments. I'm just offering this list as a public service. If you notice any of the above telltale signs, give Starfleet Command a call.