Please continue to hold

I don't like to brag, but I am a loyal customer of the wireless telephone company with the lowest level of customer satisfaction in the history of mankind. The Roman Empire would have scored better on a customer survey than these guys. I'm happy with my basic service, but I'd pretty much rather chew off an arm than ask Customer Service for anything.

Not only have I been a customer for over three years, but a couple months ago I renewed my contract with them! I bought two brand-new phones and signed on for two more years of heaven-on-earth in the form of my family plan. Why, you ask? Did I suffer some sort of trauma that clouded my judgment? Do I view calling their customer service center as some sort of extreme sport, like base jumping?

No, the answer is even more sad and inexplicable. After a few positive experiences with Customer Service (which, as it turned out, would later spawn a series of less-than-positive experiences), I thought they were getting better.

I really, really did.

Well, to quote Marlin the clown fish (which you can do if, like me, you have a preschooler), "Good feeling gone."

The specific details of my two latest issues (which, if left unresolved, would have set me back $300) are too boring for words. Suffice it to say that they involved an early termination fee that was misapplied (and eventually cancelled) and a rebate that was erroneously denied (and then summarily approved).

The basic dance is this:

I call Customer Service and tell them what I want to do. They say, Yes sir, we can do that, no problem!

I say, Is this going to cost me extra?

They say, Oh, no, sir! You're a very valuable customer because you pay your bill on time! Have I resolved your issue today? And would you like to add another line of service you don't need, a data plan for your blind, elderly mother who can barely dial her phone, or maybe some text messaging for your dog?

And then things go horribly, horribly wrong. Sometimes it's a little wrong (like getting charged for long-distance calls on a flat rate plan), and sometimes it's a lot wrong (like having a $100 rebate declined due to a "system error.") I've actually never had them not fix things, but it always takes at least one call, and sometimes as many as six or seven, to get it fixed. The long distance issue went on for about eight months before it was finally resolved.

Me like italics.

I have developed a passionate dislike for calling Customer Service. I can feel my jaw clenching and my heartbeat picking up before I even get connected. I'm spoiling for a fight before I even get on the phone with these folks, because it seems like I generally have to explain things five or six times before a light goes on somewhere, and the problem suddenly becomes fixable.

Tonight I had to hold for about half an hour, so I had plenty of time to get tense. I made a commitment to myself that I would speak calmly and patiently to the CSR, since he or she didn't create the situation in the first place. I also resolved that no matter his or her level of apparent competence, I would try to still apply that whole pesky Golden Rule thing that Jesus was always going on about (and at the most inconvenient moments).

My spiritual director gave me some great advice a while back. St. Francis de Sales was not only an amazing man and great spiritual director, but someone who was humble about his own faults. One of them was anger. He said that to conquer anger and irritation, one very effective approach is to be overly gentle (almost to an exaggerated degree) in one's everyday speech and manner. Although I try to remember, this is not exactly something that has become habitual for me.

After I got off the phone with the Customer Service guy (who inexplicably fixed my problem with no explanation from me at all), I realized that's what I'd been unconsciously doing. I'm not exactly ready to give Mother Teresa a run for her money, but it was definitely progress.

So, I'm starting to see another reason I've chained myself to the world's worst wireless company for the next two years. It's actually good for my soul.